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50+ funny quotes on the medical profession for the medic in your life

Medical professionals are always seen as very influential members of society. They are renowned as lifesavers because they have the knowledge and abilities to diagnose, treat, and prevent the spread of diseases. For the general practitioner in your life, here are some of the best and funny inspirational medical quotes.

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The medical field is one such career path where it is difficult to cope with the curriculum, workload, and strenuous working hours and, thus, need inspiration. So, if you want some hilarious medical quotes, check out this article.

Funny quotes on the medical profession

Medical practitioners are people you trust in the most challenging moments of your life. These experts save lives and provide hope to their loved ones. Here are some funny doctor quotes that you can use at any time.

• God heals and the doctor takes the fees. -Benjamin Franklin
• The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
• Doctors always think anybody doing something they aren't a quack. - Flannery O'Connor
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
• Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. -Peter Mere Latham
• A doctor is a man who writes prescriptions till the patient either dies or is cured by nature. - John Taylor
• My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more. - Matthau
• Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

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Medical quotes by famous doctors

Here are some inspiring medical quotes by famous doctors.

• I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? - Paul Merton
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
• My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays. - Joey Bishop
• The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure. - Voltaire
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
• Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. - Giorgio Baglivi
• The doctors are always changing their opinions. They always have some new fad. - David Lloyd George
• A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. - Joan Rivers

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Funny medical quotes about life

Remaining positive when life seems to be constantly kicking you down is hard. But, unfortunately, many of us tend to let all the negative energy consume us. Below are some inspiring medical quotes about life.

• A doctor gives up his life, in order to save yours.
• A doctor is always someone's HERO and someone's HOPE.
• Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
• Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. - Tori Amos
• It is the duty of a doctor to prolong life, and it is not his duty to prolong the act of dying. - Horder
• As to diseases, make a habit of two things - to help, or at least, to do no harm.
• The life so short, the craft so long to learn.
• Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals. - Napoleon Bonaparte

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Funny quotes about doctors and patients

The doctor-patient relationship is made up of four elements: trust, knowledge, regard, and loyalty, and the nature of this relationship impacts patient outcomes. Have a look at some of these funny patient quotes.

• A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
• Each patient carries his own doctor inside him. - Norman Cousin
• My doctor told me you have only two months left. But, when I couldn't pay the bill, he increased the timeline.
• He who studies medicine without books sails an uncharted sea, but he who studies medicine without patients does not go to sea at all. -William Osler
• You can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear makeup. - Jenn O'Keefe
• Medicines cure diseases, but only doctors can cure patients. - Carl Jung
• I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
• It's kinda scary when a doctor asks your price range. - Tom Wilson

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Funny quotes about doctors handwriting

Doctors have a reputation for having sloppy handwriting. The truth is that most patients have difficulties understanding their doctors' handwritten documents. Here are some funny sayings about their handwriting.

• I have good handwriting. Patients don't believe I am a real doctor.
• Do you have bad handwriting? Congratulations, you are going to be a doctor in future.
• My father is a doctor, and he can't read his handwriting.
• You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten. - Earl Wilson
• Honestly, Jack, your handwriting is terrible." Jackson held up both hands. "What can I say? I'm a doctor. - Vic James
• He pointed to the board where the word 'alliteration' had been written in handwriting far better than mine, which on good days looks like it came from the hand of a blind doctor writing his own m*rphine scripts in an earthquake. - Robert Wilder

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Funny quotes about doctors and nurses

Working as a nurse or doctor is a highly rewarding profession . Here are some hilarious nursing quotes to help you get through the highs and lows of your day.

• Being a nurse is weird. I can keep a p*ker face through trauma but have a mental breakdown over losing my favourite pen.
• Doctors put a wall up between themselves and their patients; nurses broke it down. - Jodi Picoult
• You know you're a nurse when your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
• Once a nurse, always a nurse. No matter where you go or what you do, you can never truly get out of nursing. It's like the Mafia… you know too much. - Deb Gaudlin, RN
• Don't mess with me – I get paid to poke people with sharp objects.
• A doctor can bury his mistakes. but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. -Frank Lloyd Wright
• Be nice to me. I dispense the happy pills.
• The nurse that can smile when things go wrong… is probably going off duty.
• How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they're giving you an enema.
• Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors, nurses in charge… or patients.

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Short funny quotes about doctors

Doctors are good leaders because of their extensive, detailed, and extended training, as evidenced by the manner they have drafted policies in navigating the world's most difficult health crises. Below are some more funny inspirational medical quotes about doctors

• A great doctor kills more people than a great general. -Gottfried Leibniz
• First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. -Steve Martin
• The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.
• "Dr." is not just a prefix; it's a superpower.
• I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. -Groucho Marx
• I am a doctor - it's a profession that may be considered a special mission, a devotion. - Ewa Kopacz.
• A doctor is a man licensed to make grave mistakes. - Leonard Louis Levinson
• Never ask a surgeon whether you need an operation. - Kocher
• Healing is the application of love to the places inside that hurt. - Iyanla Vanzant
• The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Seneca the Younger
• Nature is better than a middling doctor.

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Being able to laugh at your own career as a medical professional can be one of the greatest stress relievers out there. Medical practitioners experience things every day that most people can't even imagine, and they have an understanding of one another that can only be understood in the crazy world of medicine.

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65+ Best Doctor Jokes For Your Physician

After a long, stressful day of practicing medicine, there’s nothing like some good doctor jokes to tickle your funny bone. Use this list of doctor jokes to find humorous puns, stories, and one-liners to share with your loved ones in the medical field. Quote a one-liner and take a crack at comedy while at the doctor’s office to lighten your physician’s mood. Better yet, send a funny doctor pun to a co-worker or friend that works in medicine. It doesn’t matter whether they’re an eye doctor or a surgeon. Either way, these doctor jokes are sure to elicit a smile.

Hilarious Doctor Jokes

Every time you visit the doctor, make sure to read one of these hilarious doctor jokes to them:

Forget-Me-Not

Doctor:  “You have high blood pressure and amnesia.”

Patient:  “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!”

The Surgery Prodigy

Patient:  “Hey Doc, is there any chance I’ll be able to play the violin after the operation?”

Doctor:  “After some healing, yes, of course!”

Patient:  “Great! How exciting. I never could before!”

Fruit Salad, Yummy, Yummy

One day, a woman walks into a doctor’s office. She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks the doctor.

“You’re not eating properly,” he replies.

The Flirty Doctor

A doctor turns to his patient and says, “Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.”

The patient blushed and replied, “Compared to who?”

The Bladder of a Peanut

How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?

“Urology office— can you hold?”

New Dad Syndrome

A man frantically calls the doctor and says, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor responds.

The man replies, “No, you idiot! This is her husband!”

You’re Number 1

What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?

A little plaque.

Another Day, Another Dollar

Doctor:  “I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Any news on how he’s doing?”

Nurse:  “So far, still no change.”

Tick Tock Goes the Clock

Doctor:  “Mr. Jones, you may want to sit down. I have some bad news and some very bad news… which would you like to hear first?”

Mr. Jones:  “Oh jeez, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”

Doctor:  “The bad news” doctor notes, “is that I got your test results and you have 24 hours to live.”

Mr. Jones:  “What?!” the man goes, “How could there possibly be worse news than that?!”

Doctor:  “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”

Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?

Only if you aim it well enough!

Hindsight is 20/20

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?

I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.

Feeling Shaky

Patient:  “Please help me! I can’t stop my hands from shaking.”

Doctor:  “Do you drink often?”

Patient:  “Not really, I end up spilling most of it.”

Aches and Pains

A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.

“I hurt all over,” she said.

“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”

The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”

After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.

Needing Reassurance

Patient:  “Hey doc, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.”

Doctor:  “No worries here, that won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.”

A Game of Telephone

A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.

His boss asks him, “Jeez, what happened to your ears?”

“Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.”

“Well that explains one ear,” the boss replied, “but what about the other one?”

“I had to call the doctor!”

He Has the Cure

One day, a man stumbled into his doctor’s office with a terrible cold. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didn’t help. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t help either.

When the man returned again, the doctor told him, “Go home. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.”

“But if I do that, I’ll risk getting pneumonia doc,” replied the man.

“I know,” said the doctor, “but I can cure pneumonia!”

Full Circle

A Short History of Medicine:

“Doctor I have a headache.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”

1000 B.C. – “That root is a demon, say this prayer.”

1850 A.D. – “That prayer is a superstition, drink this potion.”

1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”

1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”

2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

A Realistic Game of “Doctor”

A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh no, honey. What happened?”

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

Hospital Improvement

One day, a man walked into a doctor’s office and told the receptionist he had shingles. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.

A few minutes later, a nurse’s aid came out. She called his name, and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. He responded by saying, “Shingles,” and she told him to wait in the exam room.

Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. “Shingles,” he responded. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe, and wait for the doctor.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.

“Shingles,” the man replied.

“Where?” asked the doctor.

“Outside in the truck,” the man responded, “Where do you want them?”

Patient Check-In

A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, “Hello, I want to know if there’s any sign that a patient is improving at all.”

The receptionist asks, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Of course,” the woman replied, “Sarah Finkel, Room 304.”

The receptionist responds by saying, “Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!”

“That’s fantastic,” the woman replied, “oh, I’m so thrilled!”

“From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?”

The woman replied, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me a word.”

Caffeinated

A patient went to her optometrist and said, “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Any idea what it could be?”

The optometrist replied, “Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.”

Tunnel Vision

A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks what’s wrong.

“I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes,” the man complains.

“Have you ever seen a doctor?” she asks.

“No, just spots ma’am.”

Truth Hurts

Doctor:  You are very ill.

Patient:  Is it okay if I get a second opinion?

Doctor:  Of course! You are very ugly too.

Straight and Narrow

Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?

No worries, I hear he’s all right now!

Grammar School

What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?

Hopefully not your doctor.

Sleeping Beauty

Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?

So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Veterinarian’s Sick Leave

One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long they’ve persisted. The vet interrupted him by saying, “Look, I’m a vet. I don’t have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what’s wrong just by looking at them— why can’t you?”

The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, “I figured it out, so good news patient, well here’s your prescription. Of course, if that doesn’t work then we’ll just have to put you down.”

Pianists Dilemma

“Are you an organ donor?”

“No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!”

Doctor’s Orders

Woman on the Phone:  My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now?

Doctor: “ Give him a headache!” says the doctor.

Chicken Scratch

Patient:  Someone vandalized my house last night!

Doctor:  Okay, but why are you telling  me  about this?

Patient:  I couldn’t read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it.

A Brand New Coin Purse

What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?

“Are you seeing any change in me?”

What’s the Difference?

What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat.

Research Gone Wrong

What is a double-blind study?

Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

New Year, New Me

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.

“Is my time up?” she asked him.

“No,” God answered, “you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.

After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.

When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, “I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Why didn’t you save me?”

“I didn’t recognize you, ” God replied.

Doctor’s Doodles

Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?

In case she wanted to draw blood!

Give Me a Hand

One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room to get help.

“Give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do!” the doctor said.

“But I don’t have the fingers doc!”

“What? Why wouldn’t you bring your fingers?” asks the doctor.

“I couldn’t pick them up!”

Funny One-Liner Doctor Jokes

The patient-doctor relationship is an important one! The next time you see your doctor, tell them these hilarious jokes:

General One-Liners

• They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein.

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

• Better save that, we’re going to need it for the autopsy.
• That party last night was wild! I can’t believe how drunk I got.
• Alright, now, snap a shot from this angle. This person is truly a freak of nature!
• Wait, so if this is his kidney, then what is  that ?
• Alright now, pass me that uh, that uh, thing…”
• If I could only remember how they handled this situation on ER last week!
• Does anyone know if someone has survived from 400 mL of this stuff before?
• Ugh, there goes the lights! Going in blind I guess.
• I heard that kidneys go for big money on the black market and this guy has both of his!
• Can you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing off my concentration here.
• Ugh, I just realized I left my glasses at home.
• Well, guys, this will be an experiment for each of us.
• Steril, schmeril. It’s been rinsed right?
• No worries, I think it’s sharp enough or, I guess well find out!
• I’m not sure what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice!
• I don’t know what went wrong, but we need to fix it, fast!
• Let’s hurry because I do  not want to miss the Real Housewives!
• This laughing gas stuff is wild, can you pass me some more?
• Hey Jim, mind unzipping the bag on that guy? It seems like he’s still a live patient.
• Fire! Fire! Everyone out!

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if…

• …discussing surgical procedures during dinner seems normal to you.
• …you think coffee should be made available in IV form.
• …your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
• …you have to remind yourself to slow down when you’re eating, even when you’re at a nice restaurant.
• …you’re superstitious about someone saying, “Jeez, things have slowed down a lot.”
• …you think “great veins” even when you’re walking down the street, looking at strangers.
• …a patient said, “I have no idea how it got stuck in there, but please help me get it out.”

How Many Doctors Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

• That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.
• None. They just prescribe it Vicodin and tell it to call for a refill if necessary.
• Only one, but the nurse has to tell the doctor which end to screw in first.
• Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure.

Sleeping With A Doctor

Once the two doctors finish making love, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male  doctor says , “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”

She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”

The male doctor says, “Wow, how did you guess?”

The female doctor says, “I didn’t feel a thing.”

Doctor-Patient Discussions

Patient: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.”

Doctor: “How do you feel?”

Patient: “A little down in the mouth.”

Short, Funny Doctor Jokes

Share these doctor jokes with your friends and family. Even if they’re not in the medical field, they can appreciate these hilarious doctor jokes:

• Why did the pillow go to the doctor? He was feeling all stuffed up!
• Why did the ladybird go to the doctor? She had spots!
• Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring.
• Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.” Doctor: “When did this start?” Patient: “Next Tuesday.”
• “Doctor, I’ve got a month to live. You sent me a bill for $1,000. I can’t pay that before the end of the month!” Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.”
• Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.”

Katee Fletcher

Katee’s passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life.

Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com

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123+ Life of a Doctor Quotes (short, inspirational, and funny)

• by Esraa A. Elmagid
• October 9, 2023

Being a doctor is a journey filled with endless learning, heartfelt moments, and at times, a good dose of humor to get through the day. Here, we’ve collected a variety of quotes that encapsulate the life and spirit of those who work tirelessly in the medical field. Whether you’re a seasoned practitioner, a medical student, or someone who appreciates the noble art of healing, these quotes are here to resonate with you.

Choose the type of “Life of a Doctor” quotes (Jump to a section):

• Inspirational and motivational .
• Cations for Instagram.

Best short quotes about the life of a doctor.

“Each patient, a narrative awaiting a hopeful epilogue.”

“In a doctor’s hands, hope finds its pulse.”

“Medicine’s melody played on the strings of empathy.”

“For a doctor, every life is a book authored in heartbeats.”

“With every diagnosis, a doctor unravels the mysteries of existence.”

“Healers by profession, heroes by devotion.”

“In the vocabulary of a doctor, ‘give up’ is an alien phrase.”

“A doctor’s canvas is the human spirit, each treatment a stroke of hope.”

“Doctors: Where despair meets its antidote.”

“In the silence of diagnosis, a doctor hears life’s urgent whisper.”

“Doctors: The custodians of the symphony of life.”

“Every day, a doctor dances with hope amidst a theatre of uncertainty.”

“A doctor’s life: a relentless pursuit in the marathon of hope.”

“Doctors: where science and soul forge an alliance.”

“The heart of a doctor beats with a melody of healing.”

“To a doctor, every life is a novel written in cells and blood.”

“A doctor’s world: where hope grows on the soil of science.”

“Amidst the storms of ailment, a doctor is the lighthouse of hope.”

“Doctors: the silent warriors in the battleground of existence.”

“In the eyes of a doctor, every patient is a horizon of hope.”

“A doctor walks the tightrope between science and soul.”

“In the book of life, doctors pen chapters of hope.”

“A doctor’s day: a blend of battles and blessings.”

“Medicine’s realm: where every doctor is a knight of life.”

“In the theatre of healing, every doctor plays a pivotal role.”

“A doctor’s voyage: sailing the seas of science with a compass of compassion.”

“Amidst life’s tempests, a doctor is an anchor of assurance.”

“The doctor: where despair meets its dawn.”

“Each consultation, a rendezvous between hope and healing.”

“Doctors: the silent serenaders of life’s symphony.”

“In the garden of life, doctors are the relentless gardeners.”

“A doctor’s world: where miracles wear a white coat.”

“With each patient, a doctor stitches a narrative of hope.”

Inspirational and motivational life of a doctor quotes.

“Medicine is a story of triumph, one heartbeat at a time.”

“Being a doctor: it’s a profession where the nights are short and the shadows are long.”

“In a doctor’s life, you find a way to weave hope into a tapestry of uncertainty.”

“Healing is an art, medicine its brush, the doctor, an artist.”

“A doctor’s day: small victories in a sea of battles.”

“The stethoscope listens to life’s whispers and roars.”

“In the realm of medicine, empathy is the first prescription.”

“Every doctor carries a world of remedies, yet the best one is understanding.”

“The doctor’s heart beats with a rhythm of care.”

“A day in scrubs, a lifetime of impact.”

“In the doctor’s world, every life is a narrative waiting to be understood.”

“Medicine: where science meets soul, and doctors are the narrators.”

“To a doctor, every heartbeat is a song of life.”

“A doctor’s journey, charted in the corridors of hope.”

“The doctor sees the dawn after the darkest nights.”

“In a world of algorithms, a doctor provides the human touch.”

“The medicine heals the body, a doctor heals the soul.”

“A doctor’s hands, where skill meets compassion.”

“To heal is to touch life at its core.”

“A doctor, a healer of bodies and mender of souls.”

“The doctor’s realm: where science and compassion coexist.”

“With every stitch, a story of survival is sewn.”

“In the life of a doctor, every day is a chapter in the epic of existence.”

“A doctor’s day: woven with the threads of hope.”

“Healing, the act where science and love intersect.”

“The journey of a doctor: an expedition through the landscape of humanity.”

“A doctor’s world, where heartbeats narrate tales of life.”

“Medicine, the field where every day is a lesson in humanity.”

“Doctors: the architects of hope in the edifice of life.”

“In the medical realm, a doctor is the poet of empathy.”

Funny Life of a Doctor quotes.

“I asked the cardiologist why hearts are so tough. He said they have their own beat!”

“Ever notice how doctors always have a great ‘patents’ for their patients?”

“Why did the doctor start writing a blog? Because he wanted to go viral!”

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he said ‘Keep an eye on what you eat, and not on the scale!'”

“The awkward moment when your doctor forgets to mention that laughter is the best medicine!”

“Why did the doctor break up with the thermometer? Because it had too many degrees!”

“Doctors’ handwriting is a prescription for confusion!”

“My doctor said I need glasses. Probably why I’ve been pouring coffee on my cereal!”

“Why did the doctor become a gardener? He had a natural talent for finding the root of the problem!”

“Why did the doctor start writing a blog? He wanted to go viral without causing a pandemic!”

“What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music? Prescription and Blues!”

“Why did the doctor get a job at the computer company? Because he had the right prescription for debugging!”

“My doctor said to eat more seafood. Now I’m on a see-food diet!”

“Why was the doctor always calm? Because he never lost his patients!”

“Why did the doctor get kicked off the golf course? All of his patients were under par!”

“Why did the doctor carry a pen? In case he made a tablet-ing error!”

“I told the doctor I felt like a pair of curtains. He told me to pull myself together!”

“Why did the surgeon become a comedian? He always knew what the ‘heart’ of the joke was!”

“Why was the doctor a great comedian? He always knew what the ‘prescript’ was!”

“Why do doctors always carry a notebook? Because they want to note the illness before it goes viral!”

“Why did the doctor start writing on the walls? He heard the walls had ears!”

“Why was the orthopedist never lost? Because he knew the way to every joint!”

“My doctor said I need more greens in my diet. So, I switched to green chocolate!”

“Why don’t doctors ever tell secrets on the moon? Because there’s no atmosphere, and everyone could hear!”

“Why did the doctor keep a fish tank in the office? Because he wanted to see if he could find a new scale!”

“Why did the doctor sleep on a pile of medical books? He wanted to boost his immune system with knowledge!”

“Why did the doctor refuse to break up with the stethoscope? Because it was too close to his heart!”

“I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic, he said ‘sure, knock yourself out!'”

“Why was the doctor bad at fishing? Because he lacked the patients!”

Best Life of a Doctor Instagram captions

“Life in scrubs, heart in healing.💉”

“Prescribed a daily dose of determination with a side of caffeine.☕”

“Stethoscopes and Sunrise, the unsung duet.🌅”

“Charting life in a heartbeat.💓”

“Diagnosing the day with a dose of optimism.🌈”

“On call for life.📞”

“My daily routine: Brew. Cure. Repeat.🔄”

“Where every vein leads to a tale.📖”

“In a world of algorithms, my heart beats for real.💗”

“White coats, colorful journeys.🎨”

“Healing is an art, and this doctor is an artist.🎨”

“Behind every mask is a face, and behind that a story.🎭”

“A day in the life: Sleep, Heal, Repeat.💤”

“Brewing hope, one patient at a time.☕”

“Scrub life, the life I chose.👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️”

“Prescribing smiles and healing hearts.😊💕”

“My stethoscope hears more than heartbeats.🎧”

“Some heroes wear capes, others wear scrubs.🦸”

“The journey from textbooks to patient texts.📚”

“Where every day is a lesson in humanity.🌍”

“Keep calm and trust the doctor.👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️”

“In the heart of medicine is where you’ll find me.💖”

“Sleep deprivation, caffeine fixation, heart elation.💉”

“Doctor by day, dreamer by night.🌙”

“Serving humanity with a slice of humility.🍰”

“Life is short, but a doctor’s day is never.⏳”

“Doctor’s recipe: A spoonful of care, a jar of hope.🥄”

“Where the white coat is a badge of honor.🎖️”

“Paging Dr. Feelgood!📟”

“Between the pages of patients, each day writes a story.📖”

As we wrap up this enlightening exploration through the myriad facets of a doctor’s life, it’s undeniable that the journey is a blend of challenges, triumphs, humor, and profound human connections. The quotes and Instagram captions shared reflect not just the professional commitment, but also the personal sacrifices and joys that come along the path of healing. Whether you’re a doctor, aspiring to be one, or simply appreciative of the medical field, these snippets of wisdom, humor, and motivation offer a glimpse into the compelling world of medicine. The camaraderie, the ongoing learning, and the endless pursuit of bettering lives is what makes the profession truly noble.

Doctor one liners

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. You've got six months to live." Joe says, "Six months? Doc, I can't pay your bill in six months, I can't do it!" Doc says, "OK, I give you a year..."

My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance I told him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"

Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."

Sign at the Urologist's office: URINE good hands.

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.

29 Doctor Memes That Prove Laughter Is the Best Medicine

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Are you feeling under the weather? Do you need a good laugh to cure what ails you? Well, have no fear, because we’ve got just the prescription you need! Today, we’re taking a humorous look at the world of medicine through the lens of doctor memes.

From hilarious jokes about medical procedures to silly puns about common ailments, we’ve got a collection of memes that are sure to tickle your funny bone . So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh your way to better health with these side-splitting doctor memes! See, laughter truly is the best medicine!

1) Let the doctor memes begin!

“I’m afraid you’ll have to stop masturbating. Oh, does it really make you blind? No, but I’m trying to examine you.”

2) Does an apple a day keep the doctor memes away?

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Oh no, not an apple. My only weakness. Stay away from my family.”

3) Funny memes when a doctor gets results from a physician assistant.

“Are the results ready yet? You asked 5 minutes ago, be patient. I am a doctor.”

4) Controversial doctor memes about universal healthcare.

“Australia vs US language differences: Bloke = Man. Cyclone = Hurricane. Lift = Elevator. Shopping center = Shopping mall. Universal healthcare = .”

5) Gotta love doctor memes with clever puns.

“Before my surgery, my anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.”

“Dentist: Open up, please. Me: Sometimes I get sad.”

“Do you need another stool sample, doctor? I didn’t even ask for the first one.”

“Doc: I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is you have 24 hours to live. Guy: And the worse news? Doc: I meant to tell you yesterday.”

“Doctor: What brings you here today? Me: My car haha. Doctor: (writing in the chart) Not sexually active.”

10) Doctor exam memes are rude!

“Dr: You’re severely overweight. Patient: I want a 2nd opinion. Dr: You’re also ugly.”

“It’s exactly what I was afraid of. What? Skeletons.”

12) Funny doctor appointment memes when you’re at the doctor’s office…

“I have a 1:30 appointment. Which doctor? No, I want the regular doctor.”

“I’m having problems with my hearing. Can you describe the symptoms? Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy.”

“I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be.”

“If you connect the measles it spells out ‘My parents are idiots.'”

“Kid: Are you going to save me? Doctor: Well I could heal you quite easily by giving you medication but your parents think all you need is prayers to get better so you’re gonna die, lmao.”

“Knock knock! Who’s there? The interrupting doctor. The interrupt-You have cancer.”

“Me: My wife left me, I lost my job, life sucks, what am I doing wrong? Dentist: *rips off therapist costume* IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T FLOSS.”

“Performs life-saving, 12-hour surgery. Patient thanks God.”

“Psycho the rapist. It’s one word, George!”

“Me: *puts finger on scanner* The Pyxis: What the cinnamon toast [censored] is this?”

“I said to my doctor, ‘I think I might have ADHD because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford! She said, ‘That’s not how ADHD works. I said, ‘But I keep losing my Focus! Doctor: Listen here, you little [censored].”

“Doctor: I’m sorry, your wife will never walk again. Me: That lazy [censored].”

“The doctor said I should touch myself whenever I feel like it. No. He said you could have a stroke at any time.”

“Want the good news or the bad news first? Good news, please, doctor. Well, they’re naming a disease after you.”

“When a patient doesn’t want to cooperate with any of the medication and treatment: Okay, get in.”

27) Funny doctor writing memes that nobody understands!

“Who are we? Doctors!”

“Me: Aren’t you gonna treat me? Doc: I am treating you. Me: You’re just staring at me. Doc: It’s called silent treatment.”

“I have your test results. Did I pass? Hahaha. You will soon.”

I hope you enjoyed these doctor memes!

Please share these funny doctor memes with your friends and family.

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27 Mind-blowing Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors (Inspiring, Motivational and More!)

It’s easy to find pithy medical quotes on the internet attributed to charlatans and frauds. What’s not easy is to find genuine quotes on the profession from actual doctors.

The reason we know these quotes are the real deal? They come from high-profile “famous” doctors themselves. People who either appear in the history books or TV.

Here are 27 mind-blowing examples of medical quotes by famous doctors…

Inspiring Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors

Perfect for your med student bios, insta photos, class presentations or whatever else, here are 7 inspiring medical quotes by famous doctors to help kick things off.

1. “The physician must be able to tell the antecedents, know the present, and foretell the future…to do good or to do no harm.”

Greek physician and the “Father of Medicine” Hippocrates came up with this. It makes up part of The Hippocratic Oath , the ethical standards new physicians are expected to swear on.

2. “I have always believed that the primary function of doctors should be to teach people how not to get sick in the first place. The word “doctor” comes from the Latin word for “teacher.””

American celebrity physician Andrew Weil, author of thid quote, is best known for his emotional writing style.

Recognized for his work in the emerging field of integrative medicine, Weil is a graduate of Harvard Medical School’s class of 1968.

His studies weren’t without controversy.

3. “As a GP, I think that reassurance is 90% of your job, but equally as important is how you deliver it.”

Pixie McKenna is an Irish doctor and TV personality who is known for her documentary making and newspaper journalism.

This quote, taken from her interview in the Irish Independent , carries an inspiring message.

4. “There are only two sorts of doctors: those who practice with their brains, and those who practice with their tongues.”

Canadian physician William Olser is best known as being one of the four founding fathers of John Hopkins hospital. This quote serves as a good reminder that there’s more to medicine than prescribing drugs.

5. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Psychiatrist and neurologist Victor Frankl, author of seminal book Man’s Search For Meaning, knows a thing or two about choosing one’s path.

A survivor of the holocaust, Frankl first graduated as a doctor in Vienna in 1930.

6. “Nobody, but nobody, is going to stop breathing on me!”

Known as the first woman to become a full professor at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons, there’s no doubt about Virgina Apgar’s credentials.

Her passion and enthusiasm for saving lives comes across strong in this quote. It was said in reference to her always carrying her resuscitation equipment.

7. “ Penicillin sat on a shelf for ten years while I was called a quack.”

Alexander Fleming had to struggle for years to get the respect he deserved for discovering penicillin. In the process, he essentially saved millions of people from death at the hand’s of infectious bacterial diseases.

His tenacity and willingness to never give up, speaks volumes.

Motivating Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors

8. “as a medical doctor, it is my duty to evaluate the situation with as much data as i can gather and as much expertise as i have and as much experience as i have to determine whether or not the wish of the patient is medically justified.”.

Famed for his work in the assisted suicides of the terminally ill, Jack Kevorkian’s approach to medicine was not without controversy .

His analysis however is something we can all benefit from.

9. “No matter how old you are, no matter how much you weigh, you can still control the health of your body.”

American neurosurgeon Harvey Cushing, a pioneer of brain surgery, always knew best how to motivate the general public concerning matters of health.

10. “When health is absent, wisdom cannot reveal itself, strength cannot fight, intelligence cannot be applied, art cannot become manifest, wealth becomes useless.”

Greek physician Herophilus, deemed one of the earliest anatomists, spoke often of the importance of health.

His work as a doctor did not go unnoticed.

11. “We need more physicians on air. We understand the human being, experience and condition, and we need to be using media to deliver that. We cannot be afraid to entertain…”

Drew Pinsky, commonly known to U.S. TV audiences as “Dr Drew” is an addiction medicine specialist.

His calls for more medics to share their knowledge are particularly motivational.

12. “Mental health is the final frontier of medicine that we need to crack. So many people struggle on feeling lonely, isolated, unsupported, lost and unable to cope. This must change.”

British TV doctor Christian Jesson is a keen advocate of mental health matters. Often forgotten in the medical field, his battle to bring them back to the forefront is encouraging.

13. “Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.”

Not technically a medical doctor, I think we can make exceptions for French microbiologist Louis Pasteur.

His work discovering vaccinations, microbial fermentation and pasteurization have done a lot to shape modern med.

14. “I hope that some day the practice of producing cowpox in human beings will spread over the world – when that day comes, there will be no more smallpox.”

Someone who’s medical credentials cannot be debate is English physician and scientist Edward Jenner. His work vaccinating smallpox was a monumental moment in medicine.

15. “The more fashionable doctors in Italy, began to delegate to slaves the manual attentions they deemed necessary for their patients … that the art of medicine went to ruin.”

Flemish anatomist Andreas Vesalius, from whom this quote is taken, knew about the threat of complacency in medicine. His view? The physician should be central to the entire process of healing.

16. “Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you’re being had.”

Better known for his literary work rather than his medical, Michael Crichton (another medical graduate of Harvard Med), was always going to have a way with words.

Beautiful Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors

17. “in examining disease, we gain wisdom about anatomy and physiology and biology. in examining the person with disease, we gain wisdom about life.”.

Neurosurgeon and author Oliver Sacks always has magical things to say about medicine. Here’s a beautiful quote of his to ponder on.

18. “Those burdens are what make medicine holy and wholly impossible: in taking up another’s cross, one must sometimes get crushed by the weight.”

Author of the fantastic When Breath Becomes Air , Paul Kalinithi’s background in English Literature was always going to make for beautiful quotes.

His work in neurosurgery was cut short by his untimely death from lung cancer.

19. “If the love of surgery is a proof of a person’s being adapted for it, then certainly I am fitted…what a high degree of enjoyment I am having from day to day experiencing in this bloody and butchering department of the healing art.”

British surgeon Joseph Lister, famed for his work in antiseptic pioneer, really sells the profession in this quote.

20. “So I told them the truth: the hours are terrible, the pay is terrible, the conditions are terrible; you’re underappreciated, unsupported, disrespected and frequently physically endangered. But there’s no better job in the world.”

While former UK doctor Adam Kay, author of the hilarious must read This Is Going To Hurt , is a little more realistic about the whole thing.

21. “Learn to listen with your fingers.”

Helen B. Taussig, known as the founder of pediatric cardiology and her work on “blue baby” syndrome, serves up this beatiful reminder of how best to approach medical care.

22. “The purpose of a doctor or any human in general should not be to simply delay the death of the patient, but to increase the person’s quality of life. ”

U.S. doctor Patch Adams, from whom the film of the same name (starring Robin Williams) is based, is attributed to this quote.

Emotional Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors

23. “a physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man – he must view the man in his world.”.

Mehmet Oz, known more familarly as “Dr Oz”, is a well-known TV personality and cardiothoracic surgeon. His views on medical treatment, as per this quote, are very thought-provoking.

24. “I don’t believe medical discoveries are doing much to advance human life. As fast as we create ways to extend it we are inventing ways to shorten it.”

South African surgeon Christiaan Barnard, the first doctor to ever perform heart surgery, is as full of warnings as he is inspiration.

25. “There is only one cardinal rule: One must always listen to the patient.”

There is only one cardinal rule to this quote selection; they must have come from actual medical doctors. Nevertheless, Oliver Sacks (featured for the second time) doesn’t disappoint with this diatribe.

26. “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

American pediatrician Benjamin Spock, best known for his best-selling book Baby and Child Care (1946), is a great one to go to when you need to calm that self doubt.

 27. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

While psychiatrist Carl Jung, author of these words, bookends this whole article nicely.

Interested In Medical Literature?

If these quotes have piqued your curiosity and you’re keen to learn more about the intensely fascinating world of medical doctoring, then I’ve got an additional recommendation.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalinithi (featured in the quotations above), is a spell-binding and mesmerizingly beautiful book.

I read it in during my year preparing for med school and it left me in sheer awe as to the importance of medicine and the roles of doctors across the globe. A New York Times Bestseller and Pulitzer Prize finalist, it’s one of the finest (and most tragic) memoirs I’ve ever read.

Here’s an extra taste of it, with possibly my favorite quote:

“Death comes for all of us. For us, for our patients: it is our fate as living, breathing, metabolizing organisms. Most lives are lived with passivity toward death — it’s something that happens to you and those around you. But Jeff and I had trained for years to actively engage with death, to grapple with it, like Jacob with the angel, and, in so doing, to confront the meaning of a life. We had assumed an onerous yoke, that of mortal responsibility. Our patients’ lives and identities may be in our hands, yet death always wins. Even if you are perfect, the world isn’t. The secret is to know that the deck is stacked, that you will lose, that your hands or judgment will slip, and yet still struggle to win for your patients. You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” Paul Kalinithi

Final Thoughts: Medical Quotes By Famous Doctors

The quotes above? Hopefully given you more of a window into what practicing medicine can be like.

If you liked this article, you might find the following a great read too:

• “Why Be A Doctor?” Reddit’s Response (19 Best Answers)
• Do You Have To Be Smart To Be A Doctor?

Image Credit: @Matheus Ferrero at Unsplash

Born and raised in the UK, Will went into medicine late (31) after a career in journalism. He’s into football (soccer), learned Spanish after 5 years in Spain, and has had his work published all over the web. Read more .

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